The problem is education

All too often when someone decides to get a divorce, the first thing that they do is to hire a lawyer.  In so doing, that person has embarked on an extremely expensive process that is both time-consuming and depleting to the soul.

There is an alternative: mediation. I have informally polled family law attorneys that also mediate -- representing literally thousands of divorces -- and the uniform response is that a mediated divorce winds up with the couple having the same asset distribution +/- 5%.  That is, people can spend hundreds of thousands of dollars litigating to get to where they would probably have ended up in mediation.

Of course, there is always the outlier -- where a party is either so disconnected from reality, or so bent on revenge that mediation becomes impossible. And even in those circumstances the parties may be able to engage in the collaborative process.  Parties in custody matters can get to a place where they'd rather let the judge decide than "give in" to their ex-spouse -- but given rational people, and people willing to recognize that there is a considerable body of precedent out there, mediation can provide the appropriate forum.

But once you board that litigation train -- and it is a gravy train for the lawyers involved -- it is extremely hard to get off. However, people do decide to abandon their litigation and try mediation. I estimate that about 1/4 of my clients are in that precise situation: tired out and wanting to finish the divorce. In deciding to convert from a 1B filing to a 1A, they suddenly find themselves with a hearing date on the divorce months earlier ... even years earlier, depending on the lawyers and parties.

Lawyers in a divorce face an unusual ethical position: the more trouble they stir in the divorce, the more money they make. It is inescapable. Suddenly, multiple hearings on discovery, appointment of guardians, alimony ... seem to make sense. I have written about this in articles on my website: www.legalsolutionsllc.net and it takes an extremely strong person to say, "no, lets try and negotiate this" when the lawyer is telling you that you need to fight.  http://www.legalsolutionsllc.net/Articles/Inherent-Conflict-A-Case-for-Mediation.shtml.  Furthermore, parties have all heard about so-and-so who was a bulldog "for a friend they know."  Sounds good, right?

In practice, it is about the most personally destructive thing imaginable ... and even worse for any children of the marriage.